We had quite the bittersweet weekend in Sioux Falls.
We packed up our entire house to get ready for our pending move back to Plymouth, MN into our original home. Adam is almost 3 and Annabelle is now 10 months old. Both seem to be getting so much bigger before my eyes and I can't seem to keep up. We are moving from Sioux Falls back to Plymouth as I have taken a transfer to the U of M residency program to be closer to home with my family during the next year which promises to be difficult. Since Mom passed away on May 18th it seems that I have been living in denial and that everything is very surreal. I am not even sure that I have fully grasped the depth of what is happening. But we continue to move forward through each day at this point.
We celebrated the graduation of many of my resident friends and got to say goodbye to all of the wonderful people I have been able to call colleagues and friends these last two years. So many of these people have been there for me and helped support my family the past two years, often times taking shifts so that I could be home with mom. There will never be words to fully tell those people how much I appreciate their love and support. They have such a special place in my heart. I will miss them so much and I will miss Sanford pediatric hospital with all of our incredible nurses, docs, and social workers. I have been blessed to be surrounded by these great brilliant people. I am sad to be leaving you all.
I am also excited for our new adventures to come back in Plymouth with finishing my 3rd year of residency at the University of Minnesota and being home to see our friends and their babies grow up in the coming years. Hard to believe that Michael just finished his Junior year of high school and will be a Senior next year.
There were a lot of tears this weekend in both directions. When we moved to Sioux Falls 2 years ago my mom cried and told me that she would be jumping for joy when the day came for us to come home. I never imagined that she would not be here when it was time for us to move home. I think I was so afraid after she was diagnosed but then immediately I focused on home and trying to keep her looking forward and fighting hard that I ignored the fear that was under it all. Now she is gone and that fear and loss will have to surface at some time. For example, seeing the grandma run up to her granddaughter at the playground and congratulate her on becoming a 2nd grader and telling her how proud of her she was. It felt like a huge kick in the stomach as I knew my babies would never get to have that with their Nana. Im sure the women at the part thought I was crazy when I burst into tears. These days sneak up on me when I least expect it, just like this weekend. Quite honestly, not having her here with me this weekend was the most difficult part. She would have been awake every day at 5AM in the kitchen packing before I ever got up to start working. She always kept us moving and she had tireless energy. She always had the best organization of boxes and made sure every trinket was safe for the trip. I barely knew where to start with the move without her. I wish she were here. I miss her smile. I miss her voice. I just miss my mom. These are the days I need hugs from her. I know she is in a better place and is no longer suffering, so really my sadness is just in selfish nature for myself. There have been so many people checking in with me and seeing how I am doing and I appreciate their support so much. Sometimes I still feel lost without her. But I get up each day and keep moving forward. It helps to have the kids and Derek around as well as Michael and Dad. We are anxiously awaiting the return of the Johnson girls from Italy so we can spend some time with them as well. We are getting through together. Thank God for our amazing family and friends. We are truly blessed.
